Four More Days.

There are approximately four more days until the big trip. My mind is reeling, spinning in a thousand different directions as I get through this week to get to that Sunday morning where I take off from America and head to somewhere completely different.

My "before I go" To-Do list includes:

• PSY351 Personality Disorder Paper
• Tinikling performance for Sigma Lambda Gamma's Culture Night
• High School Conference 2014 and all the duties that come with Food Committee
• DON'T SKIP CLASSES! 
• Nominations General Body Meeting for AB Samahan E-Board 2014-2015
• Pack! 

... and the week is at its' midpoint. This is one of those "one day at a time" weeks. Trying to think of everything in entirety is pretty overwhelming. I know by the end, it will work out, and I will be exhausted and excited by Saturday evening. 

I think it will be good for me to have a drastic change of pace and scenery, and not have to worry about American student problems. I finally get to focus on myself - that's entirely new. It's a concept I struggle with daily. Like I said before, being Filipino was second place to being someone that helped or functioned for other people and other purposes. Now, it's all that I need to think about. What is being Filipino? Am I Filipino enough? What will make me feel more Filipino? What's the missing cultural piece of my puzzle? 

All my life, I felt like I was lacking in something. I was already aware that I was giving up so much of myself to make others happy. I'm finally working through working for myself, making myself happy, and finding that balance, but there was something that our Samahan Faculty Advisor pointed out to me in the beginning of the year. 

I have this insatiable urge to find myself - and this links directly to wanting to find myself in relation to my culture. I want to know why I act the way I act, on that incredible level known as "culture." Why do I act the way I do, and how are there other people that do the same thing? My passion and drive, my range of emotions, my undying need to be part of something bigger than me - it wasn't taught to me, but it was something that was always inside. All I want is to know more. I want to feel more Filipino. I want to embrace my Filipino-American attributes, and I want to have a successful and happy life. But I'm not sacrificing my cultural background anymore. 

I am Filipino. Filipino-American, even. But what is that going to mean?