I am Filipino.

Throughout my life, I've had my share of hardships. I divulged these hardships the night of the trip that we all shared our stories, our backgrounds, our reasons for coming on the trip, and what we're getting out of it. Of course, I cried. If you know me, I cry when I feel heavy amounts of passion toward something or emotion about something. My tears don't come from weakness, they come from strength. I cry because my heart is so full, my will is so strong, that I can't help but cry.

My journey up to this point in my life has lead me through some dark places, and in that darkness, when I felt most alone, I had nothing to fall back on. There were times where I found nothing to live for, and I got very low. There have been times of depressive episodes and anxiety attacks, and still, I pressed on in my life, looking for new reasons to live, to try and feel complete, to hope and pray that one day I'll wake up and be whole.

I used to live for other people's happiness before my own. I would thrive off of the energy and happiness of other people, so I would foster it in others rather than myself. I know, I know. "You can't care about others unless you care about yourself first." I made do for the last 20 years, I thought, "This is what I'll dedicate my life to, making others happy, helping people on their journeys, being someone to help and be there, no matter what." It was a strong motivation for being a drum major in band, for joining AB Samahan in college, for being a psychology major and aspiring to be a therapist for teenagers.

The key word there is was. Now, because of this trip and everything I've seen and felt, my heart is strong. I wake up in the morning and I feel whole. My heart beats hard, with all the passion for people as before, for the country I love and find my roots in, for the life I want to live, giving back to the Filipino people, to help rebuild and sustain our culture and country. I want to teach the kids from that GK village, I want to go there for a month in the summer or something and teach them music and dance. I want to get them uniforms, I want to find them chances to perform when they are ready.

I want to see the Philippines get back on the map, not just through a rockstar boxer, a famous singer, or lumpia (no matter how good it is). The Philippines will make the comeback of the century, rising from the damages of years of colonization and corruption and natural disasters. When Filipinos are knocked down, we get back up, we regroup, we rebuild, we start over. When we have nothing, we have each other, we have ourselves, we have hope. This is what makes Filipinos so special, this is what passes from generation to generation, something that isn't taught, but something we are innately born with.

These are the things that make all Filipinos, One Filipino.

This is what makes me, Erin Nicole Reyes Vedar. I am Filipino, and I am proud. I am whole. I am me, and I aspire to do great things for a great community of people. I'm part of something bigger than myself, and it means the world to me, I will do whatever I can to help progress and rebuild the Filipino nation. When I fall, I have this cultural identity to bring me back up and get me back on my feet and send me running again. I've found this missing piece of me, hidden in plain sight in my motherland, in the smiles of children who play how I did, in the determination and strength of people I've never met but share so much in common with.

This is what matters to me.

Home safe.

We're back and beautifully tanned! 

Today, on April 22, our fantastic Team GK-USA arrived back in California. There's a million things I want to write about my final thoughts on this experience and what happens from here, but I really need to sleep. <3 Much love to everyone who's been reading thus far! If you want to hit the share on Facebook button over there, share my story if you think it's worthy!