The REAL Candles speech.

The morning after the Debut <3

On August 22nd, 2015, my sister, Eileen Reyes Vedar, had her debut. It was a first for our family, since I didn't have one myself. I was her emcee and her DJ, and the choreographer for the big group waltz-y dance in the beginning.

It was an amazing night.

The beginning, however, was absolutely insane. I had to run sound and video checks when we got to the venue, but we started with nothing. Once the projector and speaker systems were explained, we had to figure out where I would sit to make everything happen, since the original plan wouldn't work. Once we worked out that I would just sit by the projector with a laptop plugged into the speakers, the next problem was that the video was laggy.

So we needed a different connector cable, which nobody had. Cue the semi-frantic calls everywhere as we fall further and further behind schedule. This goes on right until the minute people start arriving. If sound wasn't working, video was. If video wasn't working, sound was. People had different cuts and downloads of music that just weren't downloading, videos weren't playing, it was a huge technological mess. BUT AT THE LAST SECOND, everything worked out fine. Sweet! Sigh of relief, let's welcome the world in.

So the debut continues on. The guests arrive, the big beginning dance goes well, the trivia game works out, the food is bomb, and the ice cream bar is off the hook. Then comes the Candles speeches.

Everyone. is crying.

Eileen is this incredible person, who has impacted so many lives. Of course there are emotional, teary Candles speeches. However, this continues to put us behind schedule. Whoops. But I'm last. I wanted it to count, but I ended up winging it instead. I played Spirited Away in the background and start to cry. She's so wonderful, so beautiful, and she's my little sister. Other people can see her as their sister, either as an older or younger one, but at the end of the day, I was there for her since day 1. The Candles speech I said emphasized that I will always be there for her. If I actually thought ahead of time, every part of my speech would have had a pun. However, in a more heartfelt fashion, this is the Candles speech I wanted to give.

Tonight, my Candles speech comes in 3 parts: Thank you, I love you, and I'm sorry.

 Eileen, it's obvious that you do so much for so many people. But I'm not thanking you for what you've done for me, because we have our whole lives to have that give and take of doing things for each other. I want to thank you for being yourself. I want to thank you for being honest when it comes to how you think about things, like how every day is a blessing. Thank you for trying tinikling for the debut, and for being really good at it! Thank you for the 4am sunrise donut runs and the 10pm boba runs. Thank you for letting me be me, and rant about whatever at random times. Thanks for always making me laugh, even when I don't think I can. Thank you for being an amazing human being, thank you for living every day to the fullest, even if your body doesn't let you sometimes. Thank you for giving me about 18-19 new siblings I never knew I wanted. But thank you for being my OG little sister. 

I hope you realize that I love you, and I mean that so much. I love how weird you are, how sassy you can be, even though it's super annoying sometimes. I loved watching you grow from "Eileen, Erin Nicole's sister" to  "Eileen, principal cellist" or "Eileen, badass badminton player" or "Eileen, ruler of Key Club." You make your own name for yourself. You're a million times more fashionable that I could ever be, and you're everything I could never be. I love that about you. Everyone's right, you will do incredible things when you grow up, but you're already doing incredible things now. 

I'm sorry if I'm not the best sister. I'm sorry if sometimes it seems like I'm not there for you. I don't even know if you entirely need me. I'm sorry for all the times this debut frustrated us and we got real annoyed with each other. But I want you to know that I am always going to be here, I'm always going to care. That's why I get annoying with dumb questions, or weird misunderstandings, or whatever. I want you to live your life knowing there's someone out there who cares about you and loves you. Even if it feels like everything is going wrong, or you feel entirely alone, I need you to know that you're never alone. I'm always going to be a text message, or four steps across the hall, or even a lot of loud banging on our shared wall away. Tete's always going to have your back, and I would do literally anything to make you happy.  

We've been through your whole life together. Every up and down and weird pit stop, our journey of life has always been intertwined somehow. So don't ever worry about me leaving you, because you're stuck with me forever. Happy 18th, Eileen. To this, and many more together.  

"I haven't seen you in a while."

It's been a little too long since I've been able to write on this blog again.

It's been about 1 year and 4 months since that fateful first-time trip to the Philippines, and as always, life is ever-changing. My junior year as Vice Chairperson of AB Samahan was wonderfully fulfilling, insanely busy, and it really pushed me to the edge of who I am as a person. My priorities shifted heavily when I treated my position in the organization almost like a job, and I almost forgot to value myself as a person. When I started exploring myself by joining other organizations, I worried about losing touch with my roots. When I ran for Chairperson of AB Samahan and lost, I thought I had lost it all.

The truth is, I didn't.

It's true, I am currently not on an Executive Board or Committee for any organization. This will be a first since my freshman year, and I'm now going into my graduating senior year. However, the lack of a title does not stop me from making an impact. It took me a really long time to realize that, because at the start of summer, Samahan was my everything. It's still an organization that's given me so much of who I am today, but now it's a supplement to me, not everything I am.

It's my last summer as an undergraduate at SDSU. During this summer, I've explored different avenues of leadership and community, gone outside the realm of AB Samahan, and really tried to dig down deep in who I am, who I want to surround myself with, and most importantly, where I'm going.

There's a few things I know.

1) I want to go to grad school after I graduate Spring 2016, particularly the Community-Based Block program at SDSU. They don't treat me like a number, they treat me like a person, and the alumni I've seen come out of that program create change in the community in ways I've never seen before. Getting a Master's Degree in Multi-cultural Counseling and Social Justice sounds like everything I want to learn in life. I'm passionate about helping others in the community, ESPECIALLY on the multi-cultural level, because we're all different and unique in our cultures, and when it comes to mental health, that should DEFINITELY be a factor when it comes to care and approaches.

2) I want to be surrounded by good people that love me for me. I want to put work into meaningful relationships and friendships, the kind I'll be keeping for the rest of my life. I'm not hard to reach, and I'm trying my best to be as open as possible with people. I love getting to know people and gaining new insights and experiences, but the biggest priority with me is that people are genuine. I try my hardest to listen before judging, and I hardly find myself judging people in the first place. I want to be as good a friend to others as they are to me.

3) I love my family so much. My mom and sister have been with me through so much, and now with Eileen going to college at SDSU with me, I want them to know that I will always have been and always will be here for them. They mean the world to me.

4) I am Filipino-American. That's a strong driving force in my will to continue on. The feeling of that self-discovery, the power of that epiphany all the way back in the Philippines, is the feeling I want so many people to feel in their own right about their own cultures.

The reason above is why I've begun writing again. It's time to explore, dig deep, and really start examining the world through a lens outside of college. It's bigger than me, or the person reading this, it's as big as we make of it.

Today, I had some really incredible meetings. I'm helping the Center for Intercultural Relations at SDSU create a set of events for Filipino American History Month in October. I walked in with that priority, and walked out with the possibility of incorporating and representing Filipino culture in any and all aspects possible on campus. However, during that meeting, I got a phone call from my sister.

Eileen: I haven't seen you in over 36 hours. Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, I just had a meeting. You want to hang out or something?
Eileen: I have debut practice.
Me: I'll be home as soon as I can, when I'm done with other meetings. Can you help me with some event planning things?
Eileen: Yeah, I can, just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Me: Yeah, I'm good. Did you eat?

Conversations like this, these little things, this keeps me going. I get to combine the things I love and involve the people I love to make something that could impact lives. I love it. I can't wait to do more.