I am Filipino.

Throughout my life, I've had my share of hardships. I divulged these hardships the night of the trip that we all shared our stories, our backgrounds, our reasons for coming on the trip, and what we're getting out of it. Of course, I cried. If you know me, I cry when I feel heavy amounts of passion toward something or emotion about something. My tears don't come from weakness, they come from strength. I cry because my heart is so full, my will is so strong, that I can't help but cry.

My journey up to this point in my life has lead me through some dark places, and in that darkness, when I felt most alone, I had nothing to fall back on. There were times where I found nothing to live for, and I got very low. There have been times of depressive episodes and anxiety attacks, and still, I pressed on in my life, looking for new reasons to live, to try and feel complete, to hope and pray that one day I'll wake up and be whole.

I used to live for other people's happiness before my own. I would thrive off of the energy and happiness of other people, so I would foster it in others rather than myself. I know, I know. "You can't care about others unless you care about yourself first." I made do for the last 20 years, I thought, "This is what I'll dedicate my life to, making others happy, helping people on their journeys, being someone to help and be there, no matter what." It was a strong motivation for being a drum major in band, for joining AB Samahan in college, for being a psychology major and aspiring to be a therapist for teenagers.

The key word there is was. Now, because of this trip and everything I've seen and felt, my heart is strong. I wake up in the morning and I feel whole. My heart beats hard, with all the passion for people as before, for the country I love and find my roots in, for the life I want to live, giving back to the Filipino people, to help rebuild and sustain our culture and country. I want to teach the kids from that GK village, I want to go there for a month in the summer or something and teach them music and dance. I want to get them uniforms, I want to find them chances to perform when they are ready.

I want to see the Philippines get back on the map, not just through a rockstar boxer, a famous singer, or lumpia (no matter how good it is). The Philippines will make the comeback of the century, rising from the damages of years of colonization and corruption and natural disasters. When Filipinos are knocked down, we get back up, we regroup, we rebuild, we start over. When we have nothing, we have each other, we have ourselves, we have hope. This is what makes Filipinos so special, this is what passes from generation to generation, something that isn't taught, but something we are innately born with.

These are the things that make all Filipinos, One Filipino.

This is what makes me, Erin Nicole Reyes Vedar. I am Filipino, and I am proud. I am whole. I am me, and I aspire to do great things for a great community of people. I'm part of something bigger than myself, and it means the world to me, I will do whatever I can to help progress and rebuild the Filipino nation. When I fall, I have this cultural identity to bring me back up and get me back on my feet and send me running again. I've found this missing piece of me, hidden in plain sight in my motherland, in the smiles of children who play how I did, in the determination and strength of people I've never met but share so much in common with.

This is what matters to me.

Home safe.

We're back and beautifully tanned! 

Today, on April 22, our fantastic Team GK-USA arrived back in California. There's a million things I want to write about my final thoughts on this experience and what happens from here, but I really need to sleep. <3 Much love to everyone who's been reading thus far! If you want to hit the share on Facebook button over there, share my story if you think it's worthy! 

Happy Easter!

If you're in San Diego reading this, Happy Easter early!

So I guess Good Friday was the last day of village touring. It's been an educating and enlightening last few days. I finally figured out what it means to be Filipino, and that I've been Filipino all my life, in everything I do and everything I am. On a basic cultural level, there is no difference between me, or Savvy, or Tony Olaes, or the hundreds of Filipinos I've gotten to meet. We are all one Filipino people, we all come from the same roots. It's going to take a long time to truly unite, but with these connections, we're on the right track.

I'm part of something so much bigger than me. In AB Samahan, in band, in the Filipino culture, on this trip. I love this feeling, of contributing to something incredible. Whether it's a field show, or an event, or simply finding myself culturally or helping people who need it, I always feel rewarded and like I'm doing something worth living for. This trip has helped me see the commonalities in Filipinos and Filipino-Americans. It's incredible to know that I share connections and things in common with people who live on the opposite end of the Pacific Ocean.

My heart beats so hard with pride, for who I have learned I am and for the country I love, the motherland I come from, the Philippines. I'm so motivated to live my life to the greatest and fullest and ESPECIALLY to give back to the country that's awarded me with so much.

On Friday night, we all gathered for dinner, and one by one, shared our stories. Our pasts, what this trip has meant to us, what we've learned. It was a huge reflection for all of us, to connect with each other and really show how far we've come since this trip started. Each and every person's story had beauty, and hardship, but in the end, we have hope. That's what being Filipino is. Not just endurance or resilience, but hope.

Conversations.

I have had pretty much the best conversations associated with this trip. The people on this trip are the kind of people who are fairly like-minded, in that we all want to help progress the Filipino community, and we value our culture.

Marty Lorenzo, a pretty intense corporate lawyer, and a Marine, told me that everyone here on this trip is here for a reason, and that this whole trip was meant to be. We had a pretty amazing heart-to-heart kind of conversation around 3 AM before we left Cavite to go to Tacloban. He left the trip early to go back to the States, for his son, who is becoming an Eagle Scout on Saturday. Marty is incredibly caring, geeky (HE MADE A HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY REFERENCE TO THE RESTAURANT AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE WHAAAAT NOBODY DOES THAT; also, Star Wars references and Disney songs for days), and I'm really happy that I can call him Kuya as opposed to Uncle. He's someone I can go to for an unbiased, but genuine, perspective. It's really weird to think that he was once an interrogator for the Marine Corps. He's a hardcore guy.

Levin Sy knows everything about everyone, all the time. He's a very strong and strategic activist for Filipino rights, ever since he went to college at UCLA. He was able to pretty much take over the student government from the fraternities that usually took it over, with a completely ethnic org-based slate. He used months of planning, fundraising, strategizing, and finally succeeded. The way he thinks is always in "the bigger picture" and Levin sees all and knows how to work a room, how to call people out to improve them, and especially how to make sure that everyone is fed and safe and okay. He's the kind of person I want to be around forever, because he constantly has my back, I never have to worry.

Rob, Reina, and Warren Bonta are an incredible family. Rob is the first Fil-Am Assemblyman, Reina has her own nonprofit org that donates soccer equipment to kids in need, and Warren has lived through so many historical moments, his life would be the most interesting memoir. The fact that they are able to come out to the Philippines, even though they're all crazy busy, and explore our homeland together, and appreciate it so much, it's incredible. I wish I had spent more time with them, since we met up with them in Tacloban, and they're leaving tonight. Well, not Warren. Warren's with us.

Dean is Rob's Chief of Staff. He's funny, and an awesome person to talk to, and he's been able to reconnect with a lot of his family members in the area, it's been amazing. It turns out that most places we go, he meets someone from his family that he's never met before. Unfortunately, we weren't able to go to Guiuan, due to rain and mud, and he missed out on visiting his grandmother's hometown nearby, but it means he'll have to take another trip. I feel like we did so much on this trip but we could do so much more. I can't wait to come back to the Philippines, hopefully with this group again.

Willy Santos, his wife Shelley, Trisha, DJ Bautista, and Uncle Pete are also incredible people. Oh, and Mike. I'm not sure when he arrived. I think Uncle Pete owns a cable company here? He donated free cable to two Gawad Kalinga villages, without a second thought. Once those villages are completed, they'll have cable as well. That's just so uplifting. Willy Santos, everytime he sees a skateboarder here, he's so chill about going up to them and taking pictures and giving them free things. The work he's been doing to support typhoon relief here is nothing short of amazing. I don't know enough about this group of people, but they're amazingly successful and I wish I could get to know them better.

Perla and her son, Zach joined us in Tacloban. Ate Perla is thoughtful, kind, and so good with children. She looks out for us, she's so open and incredible, and I absolutely love her. Her son, Zach has a long way to go, social skills-wise, but it's okay. He plays mad piano, his humor is sarcastic as anyone I know, and he's a great kid. Zach is cool. I wish I had more time to spend with them, because I think they're leaving tomorrow.

Derek and Deejay are the videographers. I got to be Derek's sound person for a little bit in Tacloban. Though their role here was videographer, they both have so much heart. Their lives have been battles, just like everyone else here. They're hilarious, and fun, and they look out for our trifecta of girls... I can't say enough about them. This trip would not have been this much fun without them. I adore everyone who came on this trip, and made me feel welcomed and important, as if I'm their equal. Everyone on this trip, I have the privilege of calling them Ate or Kuya, and that is amazing.

Tony Olaes is the reason we are all here, together. His vision of a united Filipino people is inspiring, and his passion is unparalleled. His life has changed so drastically in the last few years, and he has become such a giving and wonderful person. Everything he thinks about comes back to the Philippines, to helping families rebuild homes, to helping Filipinos get jobs, to bringing typhoon relief. As an entrepreneur, as a businessman, he's pretty awesome. As a kuya, as a friend, he's incredibly laidback and fun. I'm so grateful to have met someone like him.

Jen, Savvy, and I make the trifecta! We traveled here together, we've stuck together, we've gone through this incredible journey together. We make fun of Deejay and D-Rock, we explore our culture, and we've had each other's backs. I'm so happy that I get to share this amazing experience with these extraordinary ladies. Even though the things we've taken away from the trip have been different, our journey together is one we can really connect with, and I know I can go to these ladies for anything.

KUYA RICO IS AMAZING. KUYA RICO IS SERIOUSLY THE GREATEST PERSON EVER. He coordinates all of our travel, our meals, our itinerary; he's so organized and pleasant and at the end of the day, he still finds a way to relaaax. He and Levin make a great team. Rico is a loving father of two girls, and he cares so much about everyone, and he doesn't care about how people feel about his accent. I love his accent, I think it's so distinctly him. When I first talked to or emailed Rico, I thought he was all business.

Turns out nobody on this trip is like that. As intense and successful everyone is professionally, when it's time to come back to our roots and reconnect with each other, these people are so full of heart and soul. I'm so honored to have been on this trip with them.

PSA: MANGOSTINS ARE THE BEST FRUIT EVER.

This time, on a new episode of "FILIPINO FIRST" copyrighted Deejay and D-Rock, LOL.

This weird-looking fruit is actually THE GREATEST FRUIT EVER. They called it a superfruit, but I'm not sure about it's nutritional value but IT TASTES WONDERFUL. So you have to either take off the top bit and peel off all the ugly red outside, or you can crush it between your hands and split it open with your BRUTE STRENGTH.

At the center, there's this amazing little white center. It's about the size of a cutie tangerine, but it's totally white. It even breaks off in segments, and you can't eat the pit part, which disguises itself as a segment. This stuff tastes like nectarines and plums and peaches COMBINED. IT'S SWEET AND AMAZING AND it only grows in the Philippines. :C

Good Friday.

So today, instead of going to Guiuan like we planned, we went to GK villages and other Barongays in the surrounding area. There was too much mud from the rain last night to head into Guiuan, so we changed our plans. Tony's been having a lot of communication with Mayor Mel (I learned his name, oops.) about the plaza he's hoping to rebuild into a central plaza for the children, the families, etc. I think they're in a meeting with Willy Santos as well right now, trying to convince the Mayor of Tanauan to build a skate park in the plaza as well, as a good recreational activity for the kids.

Before we got to the first village, we had our first collective culture scare. This was the first time we saw something and nobody in the van could explain the why's or what's. There were people, dressed in pointy hoods and masks and their whole bodies were covered. There were crosses on their fronts and they looked like they were collecting donations for the church. There were people dressed in all white, or all navy blue, or in different color combinations. I'm assuming they were priests, and this was some kind of tradition for Good Friday. It scared us because they resembled the American KKK, but the connotation here is completely different.

The first village we visited took us down the bumpiest roads thus far. For people who have been here, you already know what I mean. For people who don't, take the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, and multiply it by a thousand, and slow it down by just as much. It's totally nuts. You really gotta have a strong stomach and roll with the bumps in the road. I taught a few people on this trip to fold paper stars, though. I've been folding stars this whole trip just to keep my hands busy without giving me motion sickness from writing or reading.

The village was apparently, already built when the typhoon hit. However, when it happened, the town suffered a lot of damages, but fortunately, nobody died. Apparently, at all the GK villages, nobody died during the typhoon, which is amazing. I was actually pretty proud of myself that I could have a basic conversation with the kids at this village. It was hard to talk to the toddlers though, they didn't really talk back. We bought a bunch of food from a small store and handed it out to the kids and mothers.

Since it's Good Friday, there were a lot of prayers and sharing of stories about the typhoon, and being a part of the GK village, and so on. Apparently, our current GK guide, who was at the GK village where we celebrated Reina's birthday, used to be a pastor of some sort. He's really good at keeping the crowd alive and entertained. I feel like today was a lot of travel, going from village to village quickly, instead of interviewing residents for a long time like we have been. It's still been a good experience, we get to interact with everyone, but it's not for as long as usual, I feel. Maybe it's because of the weather. It was insanely hot today, hotter than usual. Nutty weather.

We got a bunch of fruit on the side of the road when we headed off to the Leyte Landing, where the MacArthur Monument was. At least, I think that's what it was called, and I think that's how you spell that. o.o We took a lot of cool pictures with the statues depicting soldiers walking through the water. The heat was really getting to us though, and we headed out quickly. From there, we headed to a really tropical barongay close to the water. There was a convent there that GK had visited before, and we went to thank them for their work in keeping their community safe as much as they could during the typhoon.

It's pretty heartbreaking, thinking about how the typhoon affected this area. Apparently, when they were cleaning up, or when the coast guard was making their rounds, people would pile dead bodies on a raft and push them out to sea so the coast guard could collect them. There were 128 households in this barongay, and that doesn't even include a full count of how many families and people there are living in those households. Today was a day of reflection, as Good Friday should be. You can feel the Holy Spirit in the words we've prayed and the general vibe of all the communities.

Willy Santos, skateboarder, father, friend.

For people who don't know Willy Santos, google him. Or check out his website, http://willysantos.com/ and just adore him. Follow his instagram, Facebook, Twitter, get at it.

Willy Santos is one of the people taking this trip with us on Team GK-USA. He's a professional skateboarder, who has skateboarded under Tony Hawk. He's also the most humble, down-to-Earth person ever. He's incredibly nice, he's giving, he's a loving father and husband; he's pretty much the whole package. When we went to Tent City yesterday, he was handing out candy, chips, and cookies to the kids.

Today, I saw the extent of his kindness. He had a small fan meet-up at the hotel tonight, and I caught just the end of it. Different skaters in the Tacloban area, about 17 of them, came to see Willy, get autographs, skate, have fun. Willy signed autographs, and the skaters took turns getting interviewed about their story involving how they were affected by the typhoon. It's really beautiful, that even though they had to go through such a crazy disaster, they were still united, looking out for each other no matter how far they had to walk to see if someone is okay, and they still had a love for skating.

Skating creates a life that allows them to forget about their problems, and have fun. Of course, they understand the reality of their lives, having to survive, rebuild, start over, move on. But having this recreational activity to fall back on when times are tough or life is especially difficult or frustrating, it's amazing to see. So at the end of the night, Willy had a raffle for the people who came out to see him. He handed out free skateboard wheels, lots of t-shirts, an iPhone fisheye lens, snapbacks, and finally, for the three people that weren't called by the end, (it worked out really nicely, numbers wise) they got free skateboard decks. They were ecstatic. It was like getting a trip to Disneyland, getting free signed decks from Willy Santos.

The inspiration Willy creates, not only as a professional skateboarder, but as a Filipino skateboarder, gives people hope. He works to establish skate parks not only in the San Diego area, but in the Philippines as well. He's so genuine, fun, and I'm so honored to have met him and seen him in action. He facetimes his kids, his wife is here on this trip with him, supporting him all the way, and he's taking this trip for what it is, a reconnect with the motherland, and a way to give back. It's pretty wonderful.