"I haven't seen you in a while."

It's been a little too long since I've been able to write on this blog again.

It's been about 1 year and 4 months since that fateful first-time trip to the Philippines, and as always, life is ever-changing. My junior year as Vice Chairperson of AB Samahan was wonderfully fulfilling, insanely busy, and it really pushed me to the edge of who I am as a person. My priorities shifted heavily when I treated my position in the organization almost like a job, and I almost forgot to value myself as a person. When I started exploring myself by joining other organizations, I worried about losing touch with my roots. When I ran for Chairperson of AB Samahan and lost, I thought I had lost it all.

The truth is, I didn't.

It's true, I am currently not on an Executive Board or Committee for any organization. This will be a first since my freshman year, and I'm now going into my graduating senior year. However, the lack of a title does not stop me from making an impact. It took me a really long time to realize that, because at the start of summer, Samahan was my everything. It's still an organization that's given me so much of who I am today, but now it's a supplement to me, not everything I am.

It's my last summer as an undergraduate at SDSU. During this summer, I've explored different avenues of leadership and community, gone outside the realm of AB Samahan, and really tried to dig down deep in who I am, who I want to surround myself with, and most importantly, where I'm going.

There's a few things I know.

1) I want to go to grad school after I graduate Spring 2016, particularly the Community-Based Block program at SDSU. They don't treat me like a number, they treat me like a person, and the alumni I've seen come out of that program create change in the community in ways I've never seen before. Getting a Master's Degree in Multi-cultural Counseling and Social Justice sounds like everything I want to learn in life. I'm passionate about helping others in the community, ESPECIALLY on the multi-cultural level, because we're all different and unique in our cultures, and when it comes to mental health, that should DEFINITELY be a factor when it comes to care and approaches.

2) I want to be surrounded by good people that love me for me. I want to put work into meaningful relationships and friendships, the kind I'll be keeping for the rest of my life. I'm not hard to reach, and I'm trying my best to be as open as possible with people. I love getting to know people and gaining new insights and experiences, but the biggest priority with me is that people are genuine. I try my hardest to listen before judging, and I hardly find myself judging people in the first place. I want to be as good a friend to others as they are to me.

3) I love my family so much. My mom and sister have been with me through so much, and now with Eileen going to college at SDSU with me, I want them to know that I will always have been and always will be here for them. They mean the world to me.

4) I am Filipino-American. That's a strong driving force in my will to continue on. The feeling of that self-discovery, the power of that epiphany all the way back in the Philippines, is the feeling I want so many people to feel in their own right about their own cultures.

The reason above is why I've begun writing again. It's time to explore, dig deep, and really start examining the world through a lens outside of college. It's bigger than me, or the person reading this, it's as big as we make of it.

Today, I had some really incredible meetings. I'm helping the Center for Intercultural Relations at SDSU create a set of events for Filipino American History Month in October. I walked in with that priority, and walked out with the possibility of incorporating and representing Filipino culture in any and all aspects possible on campus. However, during that meeting, I got a phone call from my sister.

Eileen: I haven't seen you in over 36 hours. Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, I just had a meeting. You want to hang out or something?
Eileen: I have debut practice.
Me: I'll be home as soon as I can, when I'm done with other meetings. Can you help me with some event planning things?
Eileen: Yeah, I can, just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Me: Yeah, I'm good. Did you eat?

Conversations like this, these little things, this keeps me going. I get to combine the things I love and involve the people I love to make something that could impact lives. I love it. I can't wait to do more.

I am Filipino.

Throughout my life, I've had my share of hardships. I divulged these hardships the night of the trip that we all shared our stories, our backgrounds, our reasons for coming on the trip, and what we're getting out of it. Of course, I cried. If you know me, I cry when I feel heavy amounts of passion toward something or emotion about something. My tears don't come from weakness, they come from strength. I cry because my heart is so full, my will is so strong, that I can't help but cry.

My journey up to this point in my life has lead me through some dark places, and in that darkness, when I felt most alone, I had nothing to fall back on. There were times where I found nothing to live for, and I got very low. There have been times of depressive episodes and anxiety attacks, and still, I pressed on in my life, looking for new reasons to live, to try and feel complete, to hope and pray that one day I'll wake up and be whole.

I used to live for other people's happiness before my own. I would thrive off of the energy and happiness of other people, so I would foster it in others rather than myself. I know, I know. "You can't care about others unless you care about yourself first." I made do for the last 20 years, I thought, "This is what I'll dedicate my life to, making others happy, helping people on their journeys, being someone to help and be there, no matter what." It was a strong motivation for being a drum major in band, for joining AB Samahan in college, for being a psychology major and aspiring to be a therapist for teenagers.

The key word there is was. Now, because of this trip and everything I've seen and felt, my heart is strong. I wake up in the morning and I feel whole. My heart beats hard, with all the passion for people as before, for the country I love and find my roots in, for the life I want to live, giving back to the Filipino people, to help rebuild and sustain our culture and country. I want to teach the kids from that GK village, I want to go there for a month in the summer or something and teach them music and dance. I want to get them uniforms, I want to find them chances to perform when they are ready.

I want to see the Philippines get back on the map, not just through a rockstar boxer, a famous singer, or lumpia (no matter how good it is). The Philippines will make the comeback of the century, rising from the damages of years of colonization and corruption and natural disasters. When Filipinos are knocked down, we get back up, we regroup, we rebuild, we start over. When we have nothing, we have each other, we have ourselves, we have hope. This is what makes Filipinos so special, this is what passes from generation to generation, something that isn't taught, but something we are innately born with.

These are the things that make all Filipinos, One Filipino.

This is what makes me, Erin Nicole Reyes Vedar. I am Filipino, and I am proud. I am whole. I am me, and I aspire to do great things for a great community of people. I'm part of something bigger than myself, and it means the world to me, I will do whatever I can to help progress and rebuild the Filipino nation. When I fall, I have this cultural identity to bring me back up and get me back on my feet and send me running again. I've found this missing piece of me, hidden in plain sight in my motherland, in the smiles of children who play how I did, in the determination and strength of people I've never met but share so much in common with.

This is what matters to me.

Home safe.

We're back and beautifully tanned! 

Today, on April 22, our fantastic Team GK-USA arrived back in California. There's a million things I want to write about my final thoughts on this experience and what happens from here, but I really need to sleep. <3 Much love to everyone who's been reading thus far! If you want to hit the share on Facebook button over there, share my story if you think it's worthy! 

Happy Easter!

If you're in San Diego reading this, Happy Easter early!

So I guess Good Friday was the last day of village touring. It's been an educating and enlightening last few days. I finally figured out what it means to be Filipino, and that I've been Filipino all my life, in everything I do and everything I am. On a basic cultural level, there is no difference between me, or Savvy, or Tony Olaes, or the hundreds of Filipinos I've gotten to meet. We are all one Filipino people, we all come from the same roots. It's going to take a long time to truly unite, but with these connections, we're on the right track.

I'm part of something so much bigger than me. In AB Samahan, in band, in the Filipino culture, on this trip. I love this feeling, of contributing to something incredible. Whether it's a field show, or an event, or simply finding myself culturally or helping people who need it, I always feel rewarded and like I'm doing something worth living for. This trip has helped me see the commonalities in Filipinos and Filipino-Americans. It's incredible to know that I share connections and things in common with people who live on the opposite end of the Pacific Ocean.

My heart beats so hard with pride, for who I have learned I am and for the country I love, the motherland I come from, the Philippines. I'm so motivated to live my life to the greatest and fullest and ESPECIALLY to give back to the country that's awarded me with so much.

On Friday night, we all gathered for dinner, and one by one, shared our stories. Our pasts, what this trip has meant to us, what we've learned. It was a huge reflection for all of us, to connect with each other and really show how far we've come since this trip started. Each and every person's story had beauty, and hardship, but in the end, we have hope. That's what being Filipino is. Not just endurance or resilience, but hope.

Conversations.

I have had pretty much the best conversations associated with this trip. The people on this trip are the kind of people who are fairly like-minded, in that we all want to help progress the Filipino community, and we value our culture.

Marty Lorenzo, a pretty intense corporate lawyer, and a Marine, told me that everyone here on this trip is here for a reason, and that this whole trip was meant to be. We had a pretty amazing heart-to-heart kind of conversation around 3 AM before we left Cavite to go to Tacloban. He left the trip early to go back to the States, for his son, who is becoming an Eagle Scout on Saturday. Marty is incredibly caring, geeky (HE MADE A HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY REFERENCE TO THE RESTAURANT AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE WHAAAAT NOBODY DOES THAT; also, Star Wars references and Disney songs for days), and I'm really happy that I can call him Kuya as opposed to Uncle. He's someone I can go to for an unbiased, but genuine, perspective. It's really weird to think that he was once an interrogator for the Marine Corps. He's a hardcore guy.

Levin Sy knows everything about everyone, all the time. He's a very strong and strategic activist for Filipino rights, ever since he went to college at UCLA. He was able to pretty much take over the student government from the fraternities that usually took it over, with a completely ethnic org-based slate. He used months of planning, fundraising, strategizing, and finally succeeded. The way he thinks is always in "the bigger picture" and Levin sees all and knows how to work a room, how to call people out to improve them, and especially how to make sure that everyone is fed and safe and okay. He's the kind of person I want to be around forever, because he constantly has my back, I never have to worry.

Rob, Reina, and Warren Bonta are an incredible family. Rob is the first Fil-Am Assemblyman, Reina has her own nonprofit org that donates soccer equipment to kids in need, and Warren has lived through so many historical moments, his life would be the most interesting memoir. The fact that they are able to come out to the Philippines, even though they're all crazy busy, and explore our homeland together, and appreciate it so much, it's incredible. I wish I had spent more time with them, since we met up with them in Tacloban, and they're leaving tonight. Well, not Warren. Warren's with us.

Dean is Rob's Chief of Staff. He's funny, and an awesome person to talk to, and he's been able to reconnect with a lot of his family members in the area, it's been amazing. It turns out that most places we go, he meets someone from his family that he's never met before. Unfortunately, we weren't able to go to Guiuan, due to rain and mud, and he missed out on visiting his grandmother's hometown nearby, but it means he'll have to take another trip. I feel like we did so much on this trip but we could do so much more. I can't wait to come back to the Philippines, hopefully with this group again.

Willy Santos, his wife Shelley, Trisha, DJ Bautista, and Uncle Pete are also incredible people. Oh, and Mike. I'm not sure when he arrived. I think Uncle Pete owns a cable company here? He donated free cable to two Gawad Kalinga villages, without a second thought. Once those villages are completed, they'll have cable as well. That's just so uplifting. Willy Santos, everytime he sees a skateboarder here, he's so chill about going up to them and taking pictures and giving them free things. The work he's been doing to support typhoon relief here is nothing short of amazing. I don't know enough about this group of people, but they're amazingly successful and I wish I could get to know them better.

Perla and her son, Zach joined us in Tacloban. Ate Perla is thoughtful, kind, and so good with children. She looks out for us, she's so open and incredible, and I absolutely love her. Her son, Zach has a long way to go, social skills-wise, but it's okay. He plays mad piano, his humor is sarcastic as anyone I know, and he's a great kid. Zach is cool. I wish I had more time to spend with them, because I think they're leaving tomorrow.

Derek and Deejay are the videographers. I got to be Derek's sound person for a little bit in Tacloban. Though their role here was videographer, they both have so much heart. Their lives have been battles, just like everyone else here. They're hilarious, and fun, and they look out for our trifecta of girls... I can't say enough about them. This trip would not have been this much fun without them. I adore everyone who came on this trip, and made me feel welcomed and important, as if I'm their equal. Everyone on this trip, I have the privilege of calling them Ate or Kuya, and that is amazing.

Tony Olaes is the reason we are all here, together. His vision of a united Filipino people is inspiring, and his passion is unparalleled. His life has changed so drastically in the last few years, and he has become such a giving and wonderful person. Everything he thinks about comes back to the Philippines, to helping families rebuild homes, to helping Filipinos get jobs, to bringing typhoon relief. As an entrepreneur, as a businessman, he's pretty awesome. As a kuya, as a friend, he's incredibly laidback and fun. I'm so grateful to have met someone like him.

Jen, Savvy, and I make the trifecta! We traveled here together, we've stuck together, we've gone through this incredible journey together. We make fun of Deejay and D-Rock, we explore our culture, and we've had each other's backs. I'm so happy that I get to share this amazing experience with these extraordinary ladies. Even though the things we've taken away from the trip have been different, our journey together is one we can really connect with, and I know I can go to these ladies for anything.

KUYA RICO IS AMAZING. KUYA RICO IS SERIOUSLY THE GREATEST PERSON EVER. He coordinates all of our travel, our meals, our itinerary; he's so organized and pleasant and at the end of the day, he still finds a way to relaaax. He and Levin make a great team. Rico is a loving father of two girls, and he cares so much about everyone, and he doesn't care about how people feel about his accent. I love his accent, I think it's so distinctly him. When I first talked to or emailed Rico, I thought he was all business.

Turns out nobody on this trip is like that. As intense and successful everyone is professionally, when it's time to come back to our roots and reconnect with each other, these people are so full of heart and soul. I'm so honored to have been on this trip with them.

PSA: MANGOSTINS ARE THE BEST FRUIT EVER.

This time, on a new episode of "FILIPINO FIRST" copyrighted Deejay and D-Rock, LOL.

This weird-looking fruit is actually THE GREATEST FRUIT EVER. They called it a superfruit, but I'm not sure about it's nutritional value but IT TASTES WONDERFUL. So you have to either take off the top bit and peel off all the ugly red outside, or you can crush it between your hands and split it open with your BRUTE STRENGTH.

At the center, there's this amazing little white center. It's about the size of a cutie tangerine, but it's totally white. It even breaks off in segments, and you can't eat the pit part, which disguises itself as a segment. This stuff tastes like nectarines and plums and peaches COMBINED. IT'S SWEET AND AMAZING AND it only grows in the Philippines. :C

It's Holy Week.

This is the part where I get a little more personal, give a little more opinion, talk a little bit more about how I feel and what I think rather than what we do, since we're limited by Holy Week. Today, we travelled to Ormoc, and we visited the GK village, Tambulili. They've taken on the Bayani Challenge, but have paused all work until after Holy Week. Rob Banta's daughter, Reina, celebrated her 15th birthday today, and the village surprised her with a small fiesta, at least in their terms. It was so cool, seeing what this community could do for someone they don't even know. Even though the speakers kept apologizing about how little they had to offer, I thought they gave this girl the world for her birthday.

The GK youth had dances prepared when we arrived, and there was lots of music and talking. The village had boodle prepared, this huuuuge crazy long table covered in banana leaves with tons and tons of food. It was beautiful. Everyone feasted, all hands and smiles. The GK-USA team had their own separate meal, and I had the best adobong manok ever; so flavorful, so good. There was a French volunteer who was taking on the Bayani Challenge by himself. He's in his gap year before college, and he decided to go to Gawad Kalinga and help build a GK village. He was really nice. It's incredible to see the people taking on this challenge, they're so wholehearted and genuine.

So since travelling to and from this village took a total of 4 hours, it took up most of our time. Before we left, Savvy ended up becoming a small celebrity to the kids when she performed for them. Coming closer to our hotel, we stopped by what a sign told me was Yolanda Village, basically, a village was put together behind boats that were stuck on land due to flooding from the typhoon. It was literally feet away from the water, but the boats were huge, and since they couldn't move the boats, they just lived on it and around it. A little girl named Princess called out to me from the inside of a small store in the village, and they wanted me to buy something, but I didn't have any pesos. Her mother and sister were in there, too. Savannah got her flipflop stuck in a mudhole and it got sucked in. Levin told us later on that all the mud was mixed with sewage. This is the reality of post-typhoon life. God, it's intense.

To really try to put myself in the shoes of these people is difficult. I can't even fathom what it would be like to not only experience the brunt of the storm, but to survive, and live on to rebuild and start over. To go from living in a certain way and place and having to rebuild and start over based on whatever was around, if anything was even around. To have to dig through trash, possibly digging up dead bodies, to build another small home that might blow away the next time a storm happens. Saying that Filipinos have incredible endurance and resilience hardly describes what they have do and deal with every single day.

We're heading to Tacloban today.

So I think our days will pretty much be like yesterday, but in different areas. Plus we are participating in a GK Build, which I'm so excited for. It's hard to explain what this experience is giving me, because it's something that comes from inside, something that's so distinctly me and so distinctly right that I can't help but be excited for whatever else is to come.

I came into this trip hoping to find my cultural "click," that moment of "THIS is why I am who I am, and THIS is what makes me Filipino." I think I'm on the right track. Everything about this trip just feels right, and I'm so comfortable and at home here. I'm able to instantly connect with so many people, on such a human level, that even though I can't speak Tagalog, and they can barely speak English, was can still connect and communicate. Personally, that's an incredible thing to embrace.

Listening to people's stories and getting their perspectives are all I want to do in life. Forward from that, I always feel a need to help, if I'm able. In band, it was everything from basic things like snacks and juice boxes to get through rehearsals, to quick button-ups and button-downs in and out of uniform, and even a lifelong set of friends and a sense of community in the ensemble. If there's a way for me to foster that end result - a community that can be valued in the individual, then I'm content. I'm so happy to have done my part.

In college, I may not be able to take that stressful midterm for someone else, but I can help with studying, or finding a tutor, or just give a back massage for encouragement. My ears and eyes and heart are open to listening to whatever people have to say. Personally, I want to make sure that somebody out there knows my story, my full life story, so I can never die, and the mistakes and triumphs I have made can be experienced and learned by others. So if I can do that for someone else, I will do it. I am constantly telling people from other groups of friends about the people and experiences from my other groups of friends. From me, you are connected to people you wouldn't expect.

I think that's the beauty of the world now. We are all connected, whether it's in person or online, to other people. That's what's awesome about people, and how people interact. I love it. It's everything I love.

So with these thoughts in mind, I'm preparing myself to delve into new situations and new places, to meet new people on a larger scale. It's these thoughts that excite me and fuel my passion for this trip and everything we're doing in it.

Happy Birthday, Mama.

Thank you for everything you have done for me, thank you for helping me love the Filipino culture, thank you for letting me go on this trip, and thank you for being my mom. There aren't even enough words to describe the world of things you have done for me. I love you, Mom.

The Gawad Kalinga Village Contrast

So visiting the slums, or even acknowledging poverty in general, you realize a few things. The only things that matter are physiological needs, and very few safety needs. When you live with almost nothing, you have to think about what you're going to eat, drink, if your house is going to fall on you, where is your family going to sleep, etc. Very basic needs, no more than that, since life is literally money source to money source, and nothing was stable.

I visited my first Gawad Kalinga village today. I saw pictures online, the buildings are so incredibly bright, and compared to the slums, the ground was better and cleaner. All around, the Gawad Kalinga Village is a significant improvement over the slums. The houses are sturdier, the environment is cleaner, there's more opportunities for livelihoods and education for the many, many children. When we got there, I was in awe. It was like a beautiful community. When we got to the main square, I was totally floored. I wanted to leap out of the car and run to the incredible group of Drum and Lyre Corps, who were performing because Tony Olaes and our group were coming to visit.

The Drum and Lyre Corps was made up of students, ranged 8-16 years old, and they had 2 bass drums, 1 cymbalist, 2 tri-drums, and 4 snares, all the players were boys. A large amount of girls were on lyres and bells, and they were all playing, together. There was a little girl on a lyre and her mallet head flew off. She sighed, took off her lyre, and picked it up. I was so proud. If anyone knows me from band, breaking mallets like that is almost a rite of passage in my mind.

The music was cohesive, and incredible. I was in such awe, I had no idea that music was a priority in their education. IN ADDITION TO THIS GROUP OF MUSICIANS, WAS 7 GUARD KIDS. I'm not kidding. Guard babies. There was this FABULOUS boy named Mathew, performing his little heart out at the front of the performance. They had types of uniforms, but nothing really uniform. OH MAN I SHOULD HAVE ASKED THEM ABOUT WHAT LIFE WAS LIKE BEFORE THIS POINT. I got to talk to all of them, and even though only about 3 kids could understand me, I felt so happy to be able to connect with them on a performance level. They were so welcoming and so awesome.

Upon being able to talk to these kids, I was overwhemed with such pride for them because they are all doing something that I have been doing all through high school and the fact that they were happy and enjoying it and planning to continue it made me so proud. The whole time I was watching them and interacting with them, I was struck with a powerful need to come back, and live with them for a month, and teach them everything I know about guard and percussion. I'm not an expert, but I could teach them so much more. I fangirled hard over these kids.

They handmade everything. I asked where their instruments came from, and the conductor told me he has a business making these instruments. The drums weren't uniform, and the mallets didn't match, but they made music together and enjoyed doing it. The guard flags were about arm's length, and they were hand made and taped. The uniforms were borrowed, and they want more than anything to just have a set uniform for everyone. That really spoke to me. I know that Filipinos ask for things often, but the fact that these people went from living in the worst environment ever to a small safe haven in the middle of craziness really gives me hope.

When visiting the slums, the people knew that they could do so much more, and so much better, but they didn't have the options or ability to. But in the Gawad Kalinga village, they reached this point where they are able to provide their own physiological needs, and safety needs, and now they can think about livelihoods, music, other things. These kids are so happy, and they're going to grow up so smart and incredible just because they live in a better community than most, and they have the options of learning music or guard. I connected. I fell in love. This is amazing.

The heat never bothered me anyway.

Well, for now at least. We made it to Tony Olaes' house in Kawit, Cavite. The flights took forever, so I think it's about 1 in the morning here, and we are starting our day at about 6 AM. I'm so wide-eyed and just trying to take everything in. The current mosquito bite count is 0, and the heat isn't bothering me as much as I thought anymore.

The flights went well, and we're all safe and here. I am insanely excited for what is to come, whatever it is.

I'm a little apprehensive, only because it's a huge shock for me to be totally surrounded by people who look like me, or people that I know. I'm not sure how to fit in, since there's that whole stigma of "People can look at you and tell you're American." I'm just not sure how to speak or act, so I'm just going to keep testing the waters, and I'll figure it out.

T-minus "a couple of minutes" until Departure.

Tony Olaes selfie! Us-sie? The first of many group pictures to be taken on this trip. It's been a hectic morning, and the feeling of travel has truly begun to set in. I'm excited, and ready to take on whatever this trip has to offer. In 17 hours, we are going to be in Tokyo, Japan, then, MANILA, PHILIPPINES. I am at a loss for words, and all I want to do is see and listen and feel and take in everything that I can and bring it back to the US, to AB Samahan, to home. 

To you reading this, thank you. We're going to go on a great ride. :D

My First High School Conference

So, my timing of joining AB Samahan in spring semester of last year caused me to miss out on two incredible events: Friendship Games and High School Conference. Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of my first Friendship Games, courtesy of my E-Board SB, Dannie. Today, I feel both exhausted and renewed at the end of a very successful High School Conference.

As a bit of background, I'm currently a psychology major. I plan to open my own practice someday, being a therapist or counselor for teenagers. High schoolers are my dream age range. They have so much spark, so much potential that just needs one tiny tweak, a small push or vote of confidence to truly make all the difference. Being a drum major helped me fall in love with this concept, of changing people's lives with performance and unity.

When I got to college, it was that sort of welcoming and unifying environment that made me join Samahan. Looking back at high school, I wish I had a high school conference. These high school kids were so energetic and spirited and amazing. I adored every crazy hour of it, and I only got four hours of sleep. There's something about making a difference with them that just gives a reward back, and I was able to get through the whole day.

Shoutout to 858 and Westview Bayanihan and 951, especially the 40 people who were in the Tinikling workshop. Everyone was so fun to work with, and there was so much energy in that workshop. Definitely the best of the day. ;D Even though we didn't have music, and we definitely weren't perfect, I'm glad to see everyone getting involved, learning something new, or just being able to take the spotlight. Having this group as my tour group after was a new experience and yet so fun.

Shoutout also to the 951 kids I met - new Ading Jelly, Brenda(Briana? Oh god. I'm so tired. I'm so sorry.), Sabrina, Andrew, and Christine. Sorry if I misspelled your names. It was awesome being able to talk to y'all while heading to the parking lot and back. You were all a pleasure, and if you're coming back next year, either as an SDSU Freshman or a 951 High School Conference goer, I will greet you with much screaming and hugging. If I met you at all today, volunteers and students alike, I've got your back.

Speaking of volunteers, AHHHH SUCH AWESOME VOLUNTEERS. The gentlemen of Alpha Psi Rho were always ready and willing to do anything we needed, and you were all so helpful during lunch, thank you SO much. The volunteers I've met today were a genuine pleasure to work with, and I can't thank everyone enough for coming out so early in the morning to help a huge event like today. :D ALSO TO E-BOARD. GOOD JOB EVERYONE. IT WAS SO AMAZING TO SEE US ALL COME TOGETHER LIKE THAT. I'M SO PROUD TO BE AN E-BOARD MEMBER.

It's days like today that remind me of what I'm working for. Why I'm so passionate about AB Samahan, and why all I can think of is how to improve and progress it; to bring together more people, to change more lives, to make a bigger impact. One person at a time. I hope this trip will give me exquisite insight on the Filipino community, and all the why's. I have a feeling it will. A thousand thank you's and a million hugs, everyone. This might possibly be my last post in the US. Next stop, Manila, Philippines.

Introduction

My name is Erin Nicole Reyes Vedar. My parents couldn't decide on Erin or Nicole, so I have two first names. Filipino tradition also follows that my middle name be my mother's maiden name. This makes my name a bit of a mouthful. I go by either or both names. This is a little bit of my story.

Both of my parents are full Filipino, with a small sliver of Chinese on my mother's side. This makes me Filipino-Chinese, by ethnic definition. I was born in San Diego, CA on February 21, 1994. Growing up in National City/Paradise Hills, I was surrounded by Filipinos. My mother cooked incredible sinigang, lumpia, etc., my father was part of Alpha Phi Omega, so there were large parties of grownups every so many weeks, my elementary school was majority Filipino, and my extended family was welcoming and loving. This is what I grew up with, and this is where my Filipino roots come from.

When I graduated 5th grade and entered middle school, I went to a majority white school. My mother felt that the academics of this school gave me a better opportunity for getting into better high schools and colleges, instead of staying in the area where we lived. Years prior, my parents divorced, and I lived with my mother for the majority of the time. This began the phase of my life where I put my Filipino culture on hold. I worked to adapt to the "Mr/Mrs. (Last name here)", instead of Uncles and Aunties, and the formal mannerisms of the people I was surrounded by. I was able to fit into my new groups of friends, join orchestra, and get through middle school, and high school, happily and successfully. I thought I had my life all settled out.

I got accepted to San Diego State University, and spent my first semester limited to the people I already knew. I came, did my work, played cello in orchestra, and went home. Then, my boyfriend Michael introduced us into AB Samahan. As with Filipino people, friends of friends were associated with AB Samahan, and we heard they needed tappers for Sayaw sa Singkhil, a really incredible and ornate dance involving a Princess and her court, and crossing between the large sticks.

My first meeting went a little like this: Cling to the only person I knew in the room, Michael. Be overwhelmed by the amount of people. Meet the Chairperson, Lauren. Meet her Ate, Crystal. Fall in love with the concept of "OH MY GOODNESS THEY HAVE KUYAS AND ATES, YES, OH I WANT ONE." Meet tons more people. Meeting start. Be forced to the front for a New Student Introduction. Make a total fool of myself with a loud screech of a mating call. Find Jess during the Iceshaver. Talk to tons of people. Unity clap. Fall in love with the organization. Become wholeheartedly part of something bigger.

Being Filipino, from elementary school, up to the point where I joined AB Samahan, was something I barely thought about. I was a drum major before I was Filipino. I was a cellist before I was Filipino. I was a student before I was Filipino. After joining, and embracing the culture it presented and the people that have changed and shaped my life so drastically, being Filipino became a prominent point of my life. That sounds weird to say, but it's how it feels. I grew up eating mais keso ice cream as easily and as often as other people eat vanilla ice cream. I take off my shoes before entering a house and the first name I want to call any adult I don't know is Uncle or Auntie, or even Kuya or Ate to people close to my age, but older. If I love what's for dinner passionately and hungrily enough, I will eat it with my hands. Everything I do, and everything I am, is Filipino. But why? How? How much? Where does it come from?

That's what I want to find out.