So, my timing of joining AB Samahan in spring semester of last year caused me to miss out on two incredible events: Friendship Games and High School Conference. Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of my first Friendship Games, courtesy of my E-Board SB, Dannie. Today, I feel both exhausted and renewed at the end of a very successful High School Conference.
As a bit of background, I'm currently a psychology major. I plan to open my own practice someday, being a therapist or counselor for teenagers. High schoolers are my dream age range. They have so much spark, so much potential that just needs one tiny tweak, a small push or vote of confidence to truly make all the difference. Being a drum major helped me fall in love with this concept, of changing people's lives with performance and unity.
When I got to college, it was that sort of welcoming and unifying environment that made me join Samahan. Looking back at high school, I wish I had a high school conference. These high school kids were so energetic and spirited and amazing. I adored every crazy hour of it, and I only got four hours of sleep. There's something about making a difference with them that just gives a reward back, and I was able to get through the whole day.
Shoutout to 858 and Westview Bayanihan and 951, especially the 40 people who were in the Tinikling workshop. Everyone was so fun to work with, and there was so much energy in that workshop. Definitely the best of the day. ;D Even though we didn't have music, and we definitely weren't perfect, I'm glad to see everyone getting involved, learning something new, or just being able to take the spotlight. Having this group as my tour group after was a new experience and yet so fun.
Shoutout also to the 951 kids I met - new Ading Jelly, Brenda(Briana? Oh god. I'm so tired. I'm so sorry.), Sabrina, Andrew, and Christine. Sorry if I misspelled your names. It was awesome being able to talk to y'all while heading to the parking lot and back. You were all a pleasure, and if you're coming back next year, either as an SDSU Freshman or a 951 High School Conference goer, I will greet you with much screaming and hugging. If I met you at all today, volunteers and students alike, I've got your back.
Speaking of volunteers, AHHHH SUCH AWESOME VOLUNTEERS. The gentlemen of Alpha Psi Rho were always ready and willing to do anything we needed, and you were all so helpful during lunch, thank you SO much. The volunteers I've met today were a genuine pleasure to work with, and I can't thank everyone enough for coming out so early in the morning to help a huge event like today. :D ALSO TO E-BOARD. GOOD JOB EVERYONE. IT WAS SO AMAZING TO SEE US ALL COME TOGETHER LIKE THAT. I'M SO PROUD TO BE AN E-BOARD MEMBER.
It's days like today that remind me of what I'm working for. Why I'm so passionate about AB Samahan, and why all I can think of is how to improve and progress it; to bring together more people, to change more lives, to make a bigger impact. One person at a time. I hope this trip will give me exquisite insight on the Filipino community, and all the why's. I have a feeling it will. A thousand thank you's and a million hugs, everyone. This might possibly be my last post in the US. Next stop, Manila, Philippines.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Four More Days.
There are approximately four more days until the big trip. My mind is reeling, spinning in a thousand different directions as I get through this week to get to that Sunday morning where I take off from America and head to somewhere completely different.
My "before I go" To-Do list includes:
My "before I go" To-Do list includes:
- PSY351 Personality Disorder Paper
- Tinikling performance for Sigma Lambda Gamma's Culture Night
- High School Conference 2014 and all the duties that come with Food Committee
- DON'T SKIP CLASSES!
- Nominations General Body Meeting for AB Samahan E-Board 2014-2015
- Pack!
... and the week is at its' midpoint. This is one of those "one day at a time" weeks. Trying to think of everything in entirety is pretty overwhelming. I know by the end, it will work out, and I will be exhausted and excited by Saturday evening.
I think it will be good for me to have a drastic change of pace and scenery, and not have to worry about American student problems. I finally get to focus on myself - that's entirely new. It's a concept I struggle with daily. Like I said before, being Filipino was second place to being someone that helped or functioned for other people and other purposes. Now, it's all that I need to think about. What is being Filipino? Am I Filipino enough? What will make me feel more Filipino? What's the missing cultural piece of my puzzle?
All my life, I felt like I was lacking in something. I was already aware that I was giving up so much of myself to make others happy. I'm finally working through working for myself, making myself happy, and finding that balance, but there was something that our Samahan Faculty Advisor pointed out to me in the beginning of the year.
I have this insatiable urge to find myself - and this links directly to wanting to find myself in relation to my culture. I want to know why I act the way I act, on that incredible level known as "culture." Why do I act the way I do, and how are there other people that do the same thing? My passion and drive, my range of emotions, my undying need to be part of something bigger than me - it wasn't taught to me, but it was something that was always inside. All I want is to know more. I want to feel more Filipino. I want to embrace my Filipino-American attributes, and I want to have a successful and happy life. But I'm not sacrificing my cultural background anymore.
I am Filipino. Filipino-American, even. But what is that going to mean?
Introduction
My name is Erin Nicole Reyes Vedar. My parents couldn't decide on Erin or Nicole, so I have two first names. Filipino tradition also follows that my middle name be my mother's maiden name. This makes my name a bit of a mouthful. I go by either or both names. This is a little bit of my story.
Both of my parents are full Filipino, with a small sliver of Chinese on my mother's side. This makes me Filipino-Chinese, by ethnic definition. I was born in San Diego, CA on February 21, 1994. Growing up in National City/Paradise Hills, I was surrounded by Filipinos. My mother cooked incredible sinigang, lumpia, etc., my father was part of Alpha Phi Omega, so there were large parties of grownups every so many weeks, my elementary school was majority Filipino, and my extended family was welcoming and loving. This is what I grew up with, and this is where my Filipino roots come from.
When I graduated 5th grade and entered middle school, I went to a majority white school. My mother felt that the academics of this school gave me a better opportunity for getting into better high schools and colleges, instead of staying in the area where we lived. Years prior, my parents divorced, and I lived with my mother for the majority of the time. This began the phase of my life where I put my Filipino culture on hold. I worked to adapt to the "Mr/Mrs. (Last name here)", instead of Uncles and Aunties, and the formal mannerisms of the people I was surrounded by. I was able to fit into my new groups of friends, join orchestra, and get through middle school, and high school, happily and successfully. I thought I had my life all settled out.
I got accepted to San Diego State University, and spent my first semester limited to the people I already knew. I came, did my work, played cello in orchestra, and went home. Then, my boyfriend Michael introduced us into AB Samahan. As with Filipino people, friends of friends were associated with AB Samahan, and we heard they needed tappers for Sayaw sa Singkhil, a really incredible and ornate dance involving a Princess and her court, and crossing between the large sticks.
My first meeting went a little like this: Cling to the only person I knew in the room, Michael. Be overwhelmed by the amount of people. Meet the Chairperson, Lauren. Meet her Ate, Crystal. Fall in love with the concept of "OH MY GOODNESS THEY HAVE KUYAS AND ATES, YES, OH I WANT ONE." Meet tons more people. Meeting start. Be forced to the front for a New Student Introduction. Make a total fool of myself with a loud screech of a mating call. Find Jess during the Iceshaver. Talk to tons of people. Unity clap. Fall in love with the organization. Become wholeheartedly part of something bigger.
Being Filipino, from elementary school, up to the point where I joined AB Samahan, was something I barely thought about. I was a drum major before I was Filipino. I was a cellist before I was Filipino. I was a student before I was Filipino. After joining, and embracing the culture it presented and the people that have changed and shaped my life so drastically, being Filipino became a prominent point of my life. That sounds weird to say, but it's how it feels. I grew up eating mais keso ice cream as easily and as often as other people eat vanilla ice cream. I take off my shoes before entering a house and the first name I want to call any adult I don't know is Uncle or Auntie, or even Kuya or Ate to people close to my age, but older. If I love what's for dinner passionately and hungrily enough, I will eat it with my hands. Everything I do, and everything I am, is Filipino. But why? How? How much? Where does it come from?
That's what I want to find out.
Both of my parents are full Filipino, with a small sliver of Chinese on my mother's side. This makes me Filipino-Chinese, by ethnic definition. I was born in San Diego, CA on February 21, 1994. Growing up in National City/Paradise Hills, I was surrounded by Filipinos. My mother cooked incredible sinigang, lumpia, etc., my father was part of Alpha Phi Omega, so there were large parties of grownups every so many weeks, my elementary school was majority Filipino, and my extended family was welcoming and loving. This is what I grew up with, and this is where my Filipino roots come from.
When I graduated 5th grade and entered middle school, I went to a majority white school. My mother felt that the academics of this school gave me a better opportunity for getting into better high schools and colleges, instead of staying in the area where we lived. Years prior, my parents divorced, and I lived with my mother for the majority of the time. This began the phase of my life where I put my Filipino culture on hold. I worked to adapt to the "Mr/Mrs. (Last name here)", instead of Uncles and Aunties, and the formal mannerisms of the people I was surrounded by. I was able to fit into my new groups of friends, join orchestra, and get through middle school, and high school, happily and successfully. I thought I had my life all settled out.
I got accepted to San Diego State University, and spent my first semester limited to the people I already knew. I came, did my work, played cello in orchestra, and went home. Then, my boyfriend Michael introduced us into AB Samahan. As with Filipino people, friends of friends were associated with AB Samahan, and we heard they needed tappers for Sayaw sa Singkhil, a really incredible and ornate dance involving a Princess and her court, and crossing between the large sticks.
My first meeting went a little like this: Cling to the only person I knew in the room, Michael. Be overwhelmed by the amount of people. Meet the Chairperson, Lauren. Meet her Ate, Crystal. Fall in love with the concept of "OH MY GOODNESS THEY HAVE KUYAS AND ATES, YES, OH I WANT ONE." Meet tons more people. Meeting start. Be forced to the front for a New Student Introduction. Make a total fool of myself with a loud screech of a mating call. Find Jess during the Iceshaver. Talk to tons of people. Unity clap. Fall in love with the organization. Become wholeheartedly part of something bigger.
Being Filipino, from elementary school, up to the point where I joined AB Samahan, was something I barely thought about. I was a drum major before I was Filipino. I was a cellist before I was Filipino. I was a student before I was Filipino. After joining, and embracing the culture it presented and the people that have changed and shaped my life so drastically, being Filipino became a prominent point of my life. That sounds weird to say, but it's how it feels. I grew up eating mais keso ice cream as easily and as often as other people eat vanilla ice cream. I take off my shoes before entering a house and the first name I want to call any adult I don't know is Uncle or Auntie, or even Kuya or Ate to people close to my age, but older. If I love what's for dinner passionately and hungrily enough, I will eat it with my hands. Everything I do, and everything I am, is Filipino. But why? How? How much? Where does it come from?
That's what I want to find out.
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